7.11.10
'Do you ever miss me?' –
Was the msg my ex sent me tonight. He has a new gf now..has done for majority of the yr so I've heard, but obviously he still thinks about me. It was one thing I always admired about him, his honesty and how up front he was about everything. When a guy usually doesn’t like speaking about feelings and raw truths, he always didn’t mind, well I don’t think it was about not minding as he was still awkward about it sometimes but more so that he saw the importance of the truth. So even tonight many months after we broke up he can still ask me this simple question which reveals so much truth. Yes I do miss you sometimes, to be honest not all the time, life has carried on and my life has been filled with many other things to occupy my mind, but yes on the occasion something reminds me of you and I do miss you..parts of you. I thought about you a bit over the winter, after I'd had time to see the perspective of it all. Thoughts of guilt. I felt bad that I didn't get more upset about our break up; I know how much it hurt you. I feel bad that I didn’t cry more or that I didn’t think about you more and even the way we broke up..I wasn't as honest as I would have hoped. But that’s the way it was and I suppose theres no use for regret. I do miss how you used to make me laugh and how we could talk about anything and everything for hours. Some of the most honest, interesting, crazy conversations were had with you; I told you things about me that not even I fully understood so were always a bit confusing and complicated. You know things about me that almost no one knows..not the full brunt of the truth, not the first hand truth like you witnessed. It's weird how despite all this our differences were too much for me to bear and tore us apart. I'm sorry.
I haven’t seen him since the day we broke up, it's been a while really. And yeh I don’t often think about him so it was strange to get that msg; I first thought it may have been meant for someone else. But yes when I think about it, I do miss you. You were so kind and patient with me. I think you loved me more than I ever realised.
2.11.10
So the Melbourne Cup was on today. Started off the day with a champaign breakfast with pancakes and berries at Stuie's then we all headed out to the race track. Was a very fun day and the rain held off for most of it. Friends had a few wins on the bets and I came third in Myers fashion on the field after 3 heats then finals. Was pretty stoked, won a hamper with lots of perfumes and expensive make up, hehe. Then we headed out to a bar after to finish what was a very enjoyable day at the races.
So October wasn’t too kind to me after all.. It wasn't all I'd hoped it to be and the spring air didn't make any of my wishes come true. I guess in a sense it was even harder than September; not in the same head on rough way but in a silent, suffering kind of way. But again a new month is almost upon us and summer is almost here and this time I can feel that it is going to be an amazing month. Things are slowly getting better, slowly but definitely getting better. Not in the way I'd imagined it would at the beginning of this month, with a new month and a fresh start, I guess that was very unrealistic of me to believe that everything could just change so suddenly and I could forget the past, but in a healing way, like bruises do and i feel like I'm finally almost there; my dark purplish blue tinge is almost gone. There's definitely a lot going on this month so a lot to look forward to and enjoy. Melbourne cup's starting it off on Tuesday then I'm off to Brisbane, it's my birthday then foreshore music festival the weekend after. Lots of opportunities for fun and change and simply time spent with people that matter.
So this time i can say with a realistic voice, November please be kind to me. Although i don’t really need to ask this time anyway, because I wont allow it hurt me nonetheless.
20.10.10
Tips for a better life :
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. and while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Read more books you did the previous year
5. Live with Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
6. Play more games.
7. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
8. Dream more while you are awake.
9. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
10. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Don't have negative thoughts on things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind other of their mistakes of the past; that will ruin present happiness.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
17. Smile and laugh more.
18. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others, it only hurts yourself.
19. Realise that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
20. Don't take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Forgive everyone for everything.
24. What other people think of you is none of your business.
25. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
26. No one is in charge of your happiness except you/
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will; stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Each day give something good to others.
34. Call your family often.
35. Do the right thing!
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