Drawn by Sarah Alice Mitchell
My life’s a mess; I’m in need of some structure.
Things I need to do:
Drink more water. I really need to drink more full stop. But then when I do I always have cordial or something. I need to get used to drinking just water and at least 8 glasses a day.
Fix my sleeping pattern. I go to sleep no earlier than 2am and am death in the morning, usually sleeping half the day and missing uni classes.
Fix my eating pattern. Because I sleep in I miss out on breakfast then I’m too lazy or not hungry and end up eating nothing. I’ve found I’ve developed a bad habit of checking the cupboard and fridge and if there’s nothing I instantly feel like eating, I just don’t eat. Yesterday I ate one crumpet all day and the day before I had a banana and then later 2 bottles of jack followed by a single sausage sandwich at a mate’s bbq. It’s so unhealthy and must stop.
Do more exercise. Ever since I’ve moved back from Jindy I’ve done very little physical activity and I think it’s making me down. I miss bmxing and I want to get fit for summer so need to go to the gym, go for a run, kick the footy, skateboard, anything!
Get out of my hermit rut. So I’m not fully a hermit, I still meet up with people more than most but I’ve started preferring to just stay at home for days on end rather than doing something with my life or socialising with friends. It’s like sometimes I can’t be bothered getting ready or be bothered talking to anyone at all. This is unlike me so must come to an end.
Get a job. I am literally BROKE! I was living off money saved up at Jindy and my tax return but the other weekend I got 2 speeding fines ($400 in total) and now I can barely live. I can’t travel where I want cause I can’t afford petrol. Can’t afford to do things such as movies, zoo, lunch out, drinks out, and not to mention fashion; I’m about to die! So I need a job fast!
Do my uni work. Yes it’s an obvious one and one I always struggle with. Biggest procrastinator ever and I’m slowly starting to put things off like I always do. I really can’t afford to get behind.
Live life now and not wait for the future. It’s sad and embarrassing to say but lately I’ve just spent days in my room doing nothing in particular at all. Sleeping, sorting, writing crap, just lying on the floor etc. I don’t write back to people when they ask what I’m up to and am just wasting life cause there’s nothing to be excited about or nothing much going on. I’m just not motivated in the slightest to do anything. It’s horrible. I need to make sure I make something out of every day. It’s annoying cause as you can see I have so much to do but I just do nothing. Go walk around the lake, visit a friend I haven’t seen in ages, get that job, paint, exercise. I always have someone asking me to do something so why don’t I go? Wow I need to fix my life.
change change change change change change change change change
I've been reading Truman Capote’s non-fiction novel In Cold Blood which retells the events surrounding and including the murder of an American family in 1959. It’s quite a disturbing book really, retelling in the killer’s words exactly how they murdered all 4 family members by blasting a shotgun through their heads. The descriptions are so vivid and include how the victims were acting and their last pleas for mercy that it feels like you were there that terrifying night. It’s written like a novel but really hits you when you stop to think it all actually happened, that these innocent people really died. These portraits are of Dick Hickcock and Perry Smith, the murderers as photographed in 1960 after their arrest. It’s horrifying to see their faces and know what they did and that they had no shame or remorse and that they actually laughed about the blood splattered walls afterwards. I look at their eyes and compare them with their thoughts and it sends shivers down my spine. I can honestly say I don’t and will never understand how humans can be so heartless and evil; how so many can just not have a concious. It’s just beyond my minds comprehension and yet it’s so common in the world.
27.9.10
I woke up in your arms again today. I swore this wouldn't happen this time. Six months it’s been, six whole months of my life. And somehow I know when I leave this hotel and you leave this city things won’t be the same again; I guess they haven’t been for a while now. But this time I'm ok. This time I won’t think about it, won’t stress about it, won’t cry about it. Because I know what’s real now and what isn’t. I could feel it in our kiss and feel it in my heart. Things are different now, and they will be when I see you again. I will be when I see you again.
23.9.10
Its amazing how you can be perfectly fine then hearing from one person can make you completely depressed and down.
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